::::: judge's note on "Paper Cranes" by Erica Thomas :::::
some comments from this year's judge, Joshua Poteat:
There is something so natural and honest about this piece that I was instantly drawn to it. The voice is casual, a little unsure of itself, yet insistent about its insecurity. It reveals the small guilts that are normally dismissed from our lives, and moves toward a sort of understanding about them. This is a life on the verge of living, and through its faults, its clumsy steps, it will unfold, transform, and dare I say it, blossom.
The paper cranes are a wonderful vehicle (and a lovely image) to take the reader from stumbling fingers to a greater realization about the world. Try working with that image some more, instead of letting it remain half-folded.
The language used throughout the poem leans more towards prose. There is nothing wrong with that, of course, but perhaps try using more lyrical syntax to mix it up a bit here and there, especially towards the end. The last three stanzas are the ones that move the poem beyond just a list of faults/guilts, so pay especially close attention to those. They’re the turn, the hinge, the path for your reader to take to a less “faulty” world.
Overall, though, it’s obviously a solid poem. Nice work! Try reading James Wright’s poem “A Blessing” (or any others by him), and anything by Larry Levis. Those guys really know how to say things plainly, sincerely, but still move towards something bigger.